instant restart

it was a very long weekend.

i knew she'd get through it well; there's never a doubt about that.

surprisingly, i got through it okay too. i was not happy at any time or for even a little bit that she was gone to me, living her life with him and managing to do just fine without me. but just the fact that she doesn't have a problem with it all is good. the last thing i want or need to do is to put more difficulty into her life, especially into her alone time.

it was a long weekend. and while i won't say i was "happy" during it, i was, well, okay. "accepting" comes to mind. accepting of the way my life is and what it will likely be. accepting of where she is; and where she's not.

and even with accepting the hole in my life where she would be (if i were who she wanted), i was okay. i don't know that i like that though, being okay with -not- having her.

actually, i'm sure i'm not okay with it.

but i don't really have a choice, do i?