at a loss

i'm at a loss. she's so angry at me and i don't know what to do.

she wants to communicate openly and freely again, as do i. yet when i do she's angry at me. i feel like i've finally reached a state of acceptance that she's never gonna meet me or change her mind about meeting or even tell me her name. i've finally gotten to the point where i can live with that (not as though i have a choice) and even want to start living my life again, getting out, doing things, thinking about what my future will bring. all things that i want to talk to her about, get her advice, her input, since she's the one whose opinion i value the most.

and now we're talking less than ever. we're talking frequently, but, it seems, communicating less and getting further and further apart. it's as though we're standing here trying to talk and this wall is mysteriously building itself between us.

i don't know what to do.

why am i going to lose my best friend? i don't understand.