why is it -so- hard for me? fuck. when she leaves i'm useless. i can't think. can't work. my chest is so tight. tears fill my eyes and my throat constricts, despite my efforts to control them.
i know -why- it's hard, why this happens. but -why still-??? after all this time?? it's gonna be this way the rest of my life - can i take this every friday? every holiday? every vacation she takes?
why can't i take my cue from her? she's fine with it. i don't think there's even an "it" to be fine with for her. it's friday. she leaves work and goes to her home, her man, her life. why would there be a problem?
clearly it's just me.
it's not fair.
my biggest fear since knowing her has been losing her. but i lose her every day of the week. i've lost her and the battle over a thousand times already. it's like a Twilight Zone show where i'm stuck in a time loop and i get to watch the woman i love more than any other leave me, day after day after day. for the rest of my life.
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