Glory Days

springsteen's song Glory Days recounts the glory of their days as youths (teenagers) and how they wistfully look back and relive those great days.

i have my glory days too. probably the first year of my relationship with B. i guess up until two things happened: when he got into her email and when she realized that she was never leaving.


that year or so was probably the most -alive- year of my life, at least emotionally. i'd found -her-. she wanted me as much as i wanted her. i think it's fair to say she even loved me. i slept through the night just to get to the new day, so we could talk. it was then that everything about my day and my life began to revolve around her; when we'd talk, when we'd email or chat. our next weekday evening. the next saturday morning when we'd have seemingly unlimited time to talk. she was my world (and still is) and, i want to believe, i was hers.

then reality stepped in. he found out. and he started putting the guilt on her, as though it was her fault only that their relationship no longer worked, as if he bore no responsibility. but his actions had the desired result. he guilted her into not leaving. and guilted her into accepting whatever he chose to do, however he chose to act. and slowly, she lost her will and succumbed to his. and voluntarily made herself a prisoner of the life they had.

those were glory days. she wanted me. she loved me. she couldn't wait to connect again. and i couldn't believe that someone like her could be interested in me. i was on top of the world, unbeatable.

except i was wrong.

whether prisoner or tenant, she's there, in their life, where she wants to be.

and everytime i feel her pull further back, it hurts. and everytime i see that she's sacrificing herself and her life to try to make him feel better it hurts. and i can't help but be drawn back to the time, the wonderful and too short time where she was (almost) mine. g-d, i can still feel what it was like to be wanted by her, to be loved by her.

it was their time for many years. then it was hers and my time, for a short time. and now it's his time. he wins. i don't know that he wins her heart; i really don't believe so. but he wins her life. he doesn't even know that he's more her captor than her lover. he doesn't know that he gets to continue that life with her simply because she chooses to sacrifice herself to avoid hurting him any more.

i knew those were good times, special times. now that they're gone i can see just how valuable they really were. i'll have the memory of those times forever. in my mind, i'll always be able to
recall how it felt to be special to her, to be wanted by her so much.

who would have ever thought the the best times of my life would be given to me by a woman who doesn't want me to know her and whom i probably wouldn't even know if we passed on the street?