and today?

she leaves me today.

again. as she's done every week for almost 150 weeks.

once fridays were great days. the end of the week and the start of the weekend. no more work. and then it was the day that B and i got to spend two, three even four hours together, alone. and then the next morning another few hours. and she'd call saturday afternoon or evening. and again on sunday.

now fridays are just an end. she leaves earlier. occasionally we get two hours, usually one, and a lot of times even less. plus she's tense all day friday because of the shorter work day (she didn't used to be; another sign that the time she spends with me is hurting her work). she doesn't take lunch.

we get whatever time she feels she can spare and then she's gone. click. no long leisurely friday intimacy. no saturdays ever again. the last time she called on a weekend was.. eight weeks ago? ten? she hasn't taken her phone home during the week in months. she'll never take it over the weekend again.

so what will i make of the time we do have today? will i enjoy it? contribute to us both enjoying our limited time by being upbeat and light and fun? or will my hurt continue to infiltrate our time, deadening it to the point where she doesn't want to talk and can't wait to leave, to get away from it for two and a half days?