just the tip of the iceberg

if i don't change, and thereby change -us-, then she will. and not the kind of change that i want.

but how?

i know how, i just don't see having the strength to do it.

that side has to be buried, killed, banished, never to return. she doesn't want what it implies and as long as it's visible or keeps popping out, she'll keep backing away.

whatever she may have felt once, it's obvious she's been very successful in putting it down. and as time passes, i can tell that she can recall it (-wants- to recall it) less and less.

life lesson learned: never risk your heart until you -know- she feels it too. wait for her. to take the lead is to risk it all, to expose your heart. to lay your soul bare and to freely give all that you have to give before knowing if she's even interested is something i don't think i can do again. then again, there'll never be another like her so it may be a moot point anyway.

i read in some quiz today a question: Do you believe that love can conquer all? i used to. i guess that deep down, i still do, but with a caveat: it has to be reciprocal. you can't make someone love you. can't reason, convince, argue, cajole or persuade them to love you. they either do or they don't. if they do, then yes, love can conquer any and all obstacles. if they don't, then you don't stand a chance.

these words keep coming to me, from an earlier post..

[Love] desires, of it's own accord, to be expressed in some form. ... Love moves all on its own. It requires no encouragement and no motivation.

and these, perhaps more true to me than any others:

Unrequited love is the understanding that you need someone almost as badly as life itself, and even when they say 'no', you still need them just as much.