what price?

the perception of something we see is going to be influenced by whatever our mental state or prejudices or assumptions are.

i got a glimpse of something that included a name. if accurate, it would seem to confirm my theory from long ago about identity and who the players are. if not, then it seems like a pretty amazing stretch of coincidences among many other coincidences.

i guess the more important question is: should i care?

she doesn't want me to know who she is. she doesn't want me to know where she works or the company name or number or any of that. even if i were to correctly surmise the information, what do i do with it? it won't make her want me. won't make her want to be with me. won't make her decide to drop the veil of secrecy. even if i was right, i couldn't call her because a) if i did manage to get her on the phone, she'd deny it was her (which i'm about 99% sure she's done before and then, just for a second, i thought she was gonna give in and talk to me), b) she'd be mad that i made the assumption and then tried to follow up, and c) she'd freak and turn away and never talk to me again.

that's a pretty high price to pay for being right. one that i'm not willing to pay.

but why is it still such a big deal? why couldn't we laugh about it and then be okay with it? why is it such a big deal for me to know who she is?

why is she so scared of me??