how much is enough?

she says i'm never happy, that no matter how much time she gives to "us" it's never enough.

doesn't she see that even with the time she's giving us we still have less time than we ever had before?

no baby, it's not enough.

if we were married, it wouldn't be enough. i hunger for her, long to hear her voice. i dial her phone even though i know she won't, can't answer. i call her in the evenings and on the weekends and i don't even know why. she doesn't have the phone, she can't answer it. her voice isn't even on the voicemail so i can't hear her. (although i admit i save every voice mail from her until they get deleted; and yes, i listen to them when i need to hear her voice.)

why can't i be okay with however little time we have? she is. it never bothers her that she has to leave early or that we only get half an hour before she's gone for the weekend. it doesn't upset her that weekends are forbidden for us. i guess i should take my cue from her - if it doesn't bother her, why should it bother me?

if she wanted more time, she could have it. if she wanted to meet, she could have that. if she wanted me, she could have that. it's all hers for the asking. it's not even hard - all she has to do is say "yes" and everything that is me (me, my life, my world) is hers.

hers for the asking.

but she has someone to be with in the evenings and over the weekends. someone to do things with. to talk to. to hold. to share a life with.

she's not asking.