stuck on a thought

before we left yesterday she made me promise to think about our conversation and chat, both of which had been pretty in depth.

problem is, she said something that i can't quite get out of my mind. i'm not sure she realized, when she said it, what exactly she was saying. it may have even been an off-hand remark, but i don't think she realizes the ?finality? of what she said. i do. and it's been stuck in my head since.

we'd been talking about the mid-life seeking, and finding, of the life, the love, the partner that we've been seeking all our life, especially how you might go for years with a partner, only to wake up, realize "this isn't it", start looking and eventually find -the one- that you've been missing/seeking. and how sometimes you might find that person. and how sometimes you come to find out that it's not a reciprocal want/desire/need, or even a reciprocal match. just because that person is right for you doesn't mean that you're right for them. so even though you may have found them, you can't have them, because you're not who they were looking for.

and she says: you saw something you won't have.

it's not like i hadn't already started realizing and accepting it. but it was like being punched in the stomach. i still haven't caught my breath.