i don't know what to do

i'm lost.

almost hopeless. almost because there is still a slight chance. she hasn't said "no" yet, hasn't yet told me that she's staying where she is, hasn't yet said "go away, i'm happy here". so i have to believe that it's still a possibility, still something she might want.

and yet, "if you love something, set it free" is so hard. i have to demand (not that i -demand- now) less of her time, take less of her time, give up even more of what there's already so precious little of. and i have to be happy about it. so she can be less stressed. and less guilty.

and go home to him with an easier mind. so their life together is easier. so she'll see that it's not so bad. and he'll calm down and get back to himself. and she will too. and they'll be better together. and then she'll be happier again.

and the chance will get smaller. asymptotically smaller. and i'll keep holding on, hoping, until finally she tells me.

but right now, there's still a chance.

and right now, she's so unhappy, so stressed.

i don't know what to do. i don' t know how to let her, or the hope of her go, let her have her own life - without me. i don't know how to have a life without her in it.

i don't want to have a life without her in it.