i can't do last night to myself everytime she hurts me. the physical abuse will, eventually, kill me, if the emotional pain doesn't get me there first.
and i don't even know if she really hurt me. maybe she really did want to run early. or maybe she and he had a very special Halloween party to go to. and maybe she is having weekly wednesday get togethers. i have no proof. she won't tell me. i'll never see the pics. i have no reason, really, to suspect that anything is other than as she says it is. it's just that the whole "wanna run early" thing doesn't sound like her. and the way she couldn't wait to be gone. away from me.
so either i'm making things out to be more than they are or she's having a lot more fun than she's willing to tell me.
there's nothing i wouldn't do for her. nothing.
she "does it" for me. fulfills me. she's the who and the how and the what and the one that i want.
but i have a feeling that i don't "do it" for her anymore.
and it's probably all my fault.
my undoing is all of my own doing.
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