her. here.

she's here... but ...

recent events have caused her to start thinking about her life. i guess that's a good thing, because i've often said i want her to do so rather than just let the years drift by. but i'm very scared that the ultimate outcome will be not what i wan. well, that's not quite right - what i want is that she be honest with herself and choose the life she wants. that -she- -wants-. to not be influenced by doing what's best for him or doing other than what's best for her so as to not hurt him. what i hope for is that she chooses a life with me.

she thinks she's never given her and bf a fair chance, never worked at it. she's been there 8 years!! if the first few weren't enough of a fair shot, then what? she's said that he's just not capable of giving her some of the things she wants from a relationship and from a partner - so what good would another shot do? if those things are things she really wants, then there's no chance of it working. even worse, what if other things become more bearable but she still doesn't have the things she wants? now she'll feel more trapped and she still won't leave.

i fight for her because i don't have a choice. she may tell herself that i'm not what or who she wants (and i may not be), but she IS the one for me.

and i am so scared that i will lose her.

and why won't she give us just the -slightest- bit of a fair chance? just a single face to face.. aren't we worth that much??