we talked but i can't tell anything.
it's so strange that i'm so.. dread and anticipatory when waiting for her, but when she starts talking to me i get so lifted up. so happy to hear her and have her attention. for a while i rise above all my hurt and loss and self-doubts and am able to enjoy having her.
then she goes away for hours. and i have to wait for her again. she doesn't even want to IM. won't answer emails. or IMs. probably doesn't listen to voicemails. probably doesn't remember that she has snail mail to pick up.
have i become such a small part of her that she doesn't want any of me around except when she's directly giving me her attention?
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