lonely days

i miss you b.

she's out of the office today for meetings and out again monday for personal reasons.

i miss not having her to talk to. i'm -okay- (right now anyway.. come sunday and especially monday it might be a very different proposition), but it's lonely without her in my day. even if only to chat with for a few minutes, and an occasional IM.

i admit to being a little peeved that she didn't think she could find a few minutes to call today. it makes me feel like it's not important to her. yes, she'll be with a business partner, but .. so? and she won't even make the effort to call over the weekend because I'll be visiting someone out of town. and monday she won't try because she'll be with bf most of the day.

fuck.

the thought occurred to me to check to see if the other person (that i think she is) is in the office today. but truthfully, i don't care. what would it gain me? i don't care. if she wanted me to know she would tell me. and she doesn't want me to know. she still wants to be hidden from me. protected from me, from any chance of me intruding on her life. it makes me very sad to think that, but it's the truth. and me knowing everything about her wouldn't make her seeing me any more likely. so i have to take what she's given me, know that there'll probably never be any more than that, and live with it. i still can't reconcile her loving and wanting me with her needing (STILL needing) to hide from me, but again, it doesn't really matter if i can reconcile it or not. it's what she wants.

I still wish she'd want me to have a picture though. -something- of her.

g-d, it's gonna be a long time till tuesday. such a very long time.

i miss you b. hurry back.