her. me.

it started yesterday. and with a good evening with her, then a fantasyful night, a good morning and great conversation this morning, it's really blossomed full bloom.

she's been with me, sexually.

last night i watched a video of a party. even though the thought of her there killed me, the erotic side of it and her and i, the thoughts of how she enjoyed it, will enjoy it again, of how it'd be if we could enjoy it together.. these thoughts are good and welcome.

then today, after our long talks, she was -here- with me. those talks left me warm and comfortable and close. i reread an email i sent her not long ago about my conference table. and that reminded me of the time recently when she wore a skirt for me and brought things to the office and even though we didn't get to play then, it's a good memory.

that day i'd teased her with references to something hanging behind my office door, something not as simple as what she'd brought, which i knew was what she'd think. i started writing it up, with the intent of sending it to her. i want to send it to her, want to share it with her.

the old me, the one she was attracted to, the one she lusted, would speak up to her about sex anytime the mood struck. i'm so close to doing it all the time, then hold back because i know she's not in the mood. and i'm not sure i'm enough to tempt her anymore.

but right now, i want her so much.

so much it hurts.

but truth of the matter is i always want her. that much and more.

much, much more.