the near and distant future of my life is being decided, or has already been decided, by events and people a thousand miles away.
she's up, starting her day, getting ready for work. what's her world like now? was it a tense, argumentative weekend? was he at her with accusations and comments all weekend? did they argue all weekend or was it over friday night? did she do her best to smooth it over? did she get them past the friday incident or did she get their life together smoothed out? has she decided to stay? or to go? or is she still going to just go along day to day, numb to life, unfeeling, unwanting?
has she lost more of herself? have we lost us? has she lost us?
i wonder if i kid myself when i think thoughts like "I know i'd be good for her. I know that together we'd have a great life, a phenomenal relationship". does she think these things? -am- i kidding myself? i can't believe so though... the feelings i have for her are too real, too strong, too pervasive through every minute of my life, every thought, every action.
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