silence

she hasn't called.

hasn't IM'd.

hasn't emailed.

i've tried IM, email, calling, vm, VoIP phone.

nothing.

i can't concentrate, can't think of anything else. i check my fucking mail every 3 minutes. i call her phone. check to see if she's online.

is it so easy for her to just change her life? our time was a constant factor in our day - is it so easy for her to just remove me and fill it in with something else?

i want to get in my car and drive to her, find her, seek her out, plead with her.

but i don't know who she is. or where. and even if i did find her, it would only guarantee that she'd never, ever, ever speak to me again.

and even if i did find her, what could i do? her mind is made up. i have no "pull" with her. no one convinces her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

and she seems to not want me in her life.

what do i do?

what can i do? (nothing)

this can't be happening. it can't. i can't believe it. won't believe it.

but i don't have a choice do i?