i just lost my best friend ever

i just lost my best friend ever.

and it's even worse than if she had died - because she's choosing to not be in my life, choosing to not have me in her life anymore.

now what?

she'll go on. she already knows the path she wants to take. she'll stay with him, work on their relationship, put her all into it.

i was a better person with her in my life. based on my actions, i must not have been a very good person before her. she made me better, made me feel better, made me look at myself. she made me love her and she didn't even try to get me to do that. now she chooses to distance herself from me. which means that on closer inspection, i'm not the man or type of man she wants. or even wants in her life.

it's ironic that our relationship made her look at hers and find it lacking, made her realize that there were other things to be found, that intimacy isn't such a bad thing. and now my actions are pushing her to put her all into saving a relationship that she found wanting. i've pushed her back to the relationship she wanted to leave but couldn't bring herself to.

now what do i do? how do you live after being left by the most important person in your life?

or do you?