a step back

i feel as though we're moving toward a particular moment in time. not sure when that will be, but it's coming. it could be tomorrow, next week, next month or this summer, but it's coming. i don't even know exactly what it is. well, i know what it is but not how it'll go. i try not to think about it too much - one possible outcome just gets my hopes up, the other crushes them. i wish i could say that i (we) were watching for it, waiting for it in happy anticipation, but it doesn't feel that way.

one thing i've learned, as a parent, is that you can't pass on your experience. you can talk about it, talk about the lessons learned, even those learned painfully, but the real meaning of many of lifes lessons can't be told, can't be heard and learned; heard and understood, yes, but learned, no. for many things in life, you just have to -do- it, make your own mistakes, learn the lesson on your own.

B is in a dilemma. She's in a life that she's carefully built. she basically has everything she sought. turns out it's just not what she wanted. she thought she knew what she wanted, or more importantly, knew what she didn't want. she was wrong. i'm pretty sure she wants out of the relationship and the life she's in. g-d knows she's unhappy enough. but you can't give someone knowledge that you've learned; they have to come to that knowledge themselves. she wants out, i'm sure of it. i'm sure she knows it too. either she can't admit that to herself yet for some reason, or it's just not a solution/realization that she's able to accept right now. the sad thing is, this is one of those life things where obtaining the knowledge could take years. she could spend years of her life trying to fit into the life she's built, trying to make it what she wanted it to be, only to arrive many years down the road at the same conclusion that she's trying to avoid realizing now: she should have left.

it's so rare to find two people who belong together, two people who mesh so well, who can feel and sense each others' presence and feelings and state of mind. it such a rare and beautiful thing. and how wrong, how cosmically unfair, what a travesty of what's "right", that we should be kept apart because we aren't at the same place as far as life experiences learned. how wrong, how sad for that congruence to arrive five or ten or twenty years too late.