nothing

i sit here. alone.

i try to work. sometimes i have these little bursts of energy/time where something gets accomplished.

but most of the time, i wait. i look. is she online yet? will she say hi before her meeting? did she email? she was gonna check in after an hour. that's long past. but that's okay, that means she's involved in her work and she's getting things done.

it means she's not distracted by things less important.

it's odd that that thought always/still bothers me. i've known for a long time what the priorities are. bf. work. bf. home. life. bf. everything else.

i'm just one of a million things vying for her attention.

and every second she gives it to me is precious to me. and time she's not getting something else done.


for two years i've made myself believe that i was her highest priority, despite what i knew to be true. i also believed she wanted me more than she wanted anything or anyone else. and that our meeting was imminent. and that us being lovers was close.

why do people watch reality shows, anyway? reality is so much more harsh.

reality sucks.