she's always told me to "hold on loosely". always told me that trying to hold her tight and close pushes her away, that she feels much closer if i'm not trying to hold on to her.
now, i'm trying to cover up (bury? suspend? kill?) my love for her. she's said it could make her feel closer.
so, i'm caught (well, lover-me, who's being expelled to the nether regions) in a quandry. the more i try to be "with" her, the farther away i push her and the less she wants of me. the more i pull back, the more she feels close.
so. does that mean when she's pulled away from me completely, when i'm no longer allowed into her day, that she'll finally love me and want to be with me? when i'm a distant hazy memory she'll remember 'that guy' that she loved so much?
she'll wonder why i didn't love her back.
and i'll be completely unaware. off somewhere in my own lonely world. unaware. unhappy.
alone.
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