how do i reach her? she's pulled so far inside, so remote from me....
she's right over there, looking at me... i feel like i hear her calling me, feel her eyes calling me, begging me to come closer... but her body language is closed, arms crossed.
what have i done to her? how is it possible that by trying to love her, by letting her know she was loved, by learning from each other, that i've caused her to be hurt so much?? i couldn't have caused more pain had i been trying.
they say that the apple that the eve ate that caused adam and eve to be expelled from the garden of eden was in fact "knowledge". i have always maintained that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. i still do. how do i go forward with the knowledge that my having found her, and loved her, have made her life so much worse? the problems that were in her relationship with bf before are still there, along with so much more. where at least before they had an average relationship, at least she was physical and sensual and loved sex and eroticism and sexuality, and her own sexuality. now they have a less than average relationship and she's ... lost. lost to her self. lost to her senses. lost to him.
i would gladly give back everything i've gained from her, from knowing her - if only the damage i've caused could be undone.
they say you always hurt the ones you love. and the one i love more than any other i've hurt more than any other.
what do i do now?
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