what emotion is this?

i'm angry, so angry. all the time. and sad.

i'm angry that life is unfair. that a love could be so important to one and not to the other. i'm angry that she doesn't want me. angry that i'm falling farther down the priority list. angry that she could just turn her back on it, this.

maybe not "angry". mad? upset? frustrated? and not with her, she is as she should be. i believe that we can't control who we love. just sad it's not me.

already we have less and less time. no time for watching things we talk about watching, no time to read, no time to talk, no time to email or im. as she turns more and more back to her life and starts enjoying that again and getting more and more involved in it, there'll be even less.

until... what? until there's none?

what'll i do then? when i cease to exist for her, will i cease to exist?

i hope so.