back to work

this is always a hard time for me, although not unlike the friday nights, saturdays and sundays i am also forced to spend without her.

waiting for her to return from her real life. for her it's just coming back to work. for me it's like sunrise, the return of spring, the advent of color into a world of black and white.

i wonder what it's like for her? she's returning to work, to stress, to all the myriad of things that she needs to get done, to the frustrations of employees and business and all the rest. i know she doesn't wake monday anxious to get to the office so we can talk. instead it's almost a time of dread and anxiety for her.

and somewhere, sometime in the maelstrom she'll remember me.

so different from what i feel. i wait through interminably long weekends for monday mornings. wait, wait, wait so i can get back to work. not to -work-, but to -here-, which is where i talk to her. if i'm here, it means she's probably at work, which means we might talk. if i'm not here, she's not at work and we almost never talk otherwise.


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i thought being distracted by a hobby would help. it does and it doesn't. it does in that it distracts me for those hours, turns my attention away from the pain in my heart, from what i'm missing, from the thoughts of her living her life.

for a while.

but it doesn't lessen the -overall- amount of longing, of missing, of loneliness, of pain of not having her. given just a few moments to think about her, it all comes back.