Wednesday, December 07, 2005

the weight of silence

this is what it's gonna feel like. well, a taste of it anyway.

i suspect i pissed her off this morning with something i said. and all morning she's had no time for me. no interest in talking. or maybe she just had a really good night with him last night and she doesn't want to spoil it by talking to me.

i'm struggling under the weight of her silence, her coldness, her snubbing. it feels hard to breathe, like my chest is constricted. i can't concentrate. i stare at the im window, trying to -will- her to want me. or even to want to say something to me.

how much worse will it be when she doesn't respond to me at all? when she doesn't sign in for days on end, doesn't answer my emails, doesn't call?

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