nothing

just nothing. there's so much i feel i need to say, although i can't gather my thoughts enough to make words, can't get anything to come out.

she is so dead set against me, us, against even the possibility of an us again.

that part of her is dead, she says, killed by me. turned into stone. i try to tell her that i understand what she's saying but that i -know- her and i know (we both know) the endless capacity she has for love and that given the chance, we could start over, know each other again, build our friendship and our relationship and then our love once again. but she's having none of it.

she's having none of me. wants nothing of or from me. wants nothing to do with "us".

she's happy with her new/old husband, happy with her Master, happy in her life.

happy without me.

which leaves me with nothing.

no B. no friend in B, no lover in B, no partner in B.

nothing.

we get what we deserve.