i must be really -thick-

she's just told me again, for the twelve hundreth time that she has no interest in seeing if we could ever be an -us- again.

i must be thick as a brick.

i read this in a book:

... random reinforcement. put three groups of rats in separate cages, each with a bar. The first group gets a pellet of food every time they press the bar. The second group never gets pellets, no matter how often they push the bar. The third group gets pellets just once in a while.

The first and second group will get bored with the bar. The third group will press the bar forever, hoping each time that they'll get lucky.

I'm in the third group. I'm the rat (in more ways than one) and she's the reward. and even though she tells me that there will NEVER be another reward, never ever be another chance, i just keep pushing on the bar, hoping for the reward.

like i said... thick as a fucking brick.

but, the REWARD!!! she's worth it.

if only she thought i was.