another end

another ending today - the end of talk between B and i for the week.

she'll end her work day by seeing her lover for a lengthy session of sex before going home to her husband. there, she'll have a weekend of her life. they'll go out, or stay in. perhaps attend a sporting event. or go to her favorite swing club. she may go to a favorite scenic location one morning for a run - or to meet her lover.

i'll end my day much later and with not nearly as much fun. my day will end wondering where B is, what she's doing. i'll already have sliced my soul to shreds, again, knowing that she's already finished with her lover. and then? the interminably long hours, minutes, seconds until sometime monday morning when, hopefully, she'll reappear in my world.

in just a few short hours, she'll say "i have to go" or "he's here", both meaning it's time for her to serve him. just thinking of those words i start to break down. hearing them completely destroys me.

at one time, she wanted me. while i'd love to have her want to be -mine- in that way again, what i want, wish for, need... is her affection, her love.