it's funny. i'm a ball of nerves. i'm anxious, excited, apprehensive, nervous, worried, even afraid.
she's supposed to be back today.
i know what i'm afraid of or worried about - it's just that it sounds so silly when ya say it. and yet each is a very real possibility.
she could have accepted his proposal of marriage. or decided that she is staying, for good. or that having me in her day is too risky to her relationship with him. or that i'm too disruptive to her work day. any number of things, all of which would mean - she's gone.
hell, i'm even worried that she finally decided to meet me, because then we'd be on the road to her finding out that i'm not the man she wants. now, at least, i can say she's not with me because she loves him and their life. if she met me then left, i'd have to face up to the fact of just not being who she wants. no different than it is now, just that i'm allowed to believe it's something else.
but still.... i can't wait.
i want to hear her voice, her laughter. i want to feel her touch me with her voice, her attention. i want to be in her focus, even if for only a few moments.
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