random or structured?

random actions or little changes? coincidence and coincidental timing or change in priorities & a desire to change the norm?

things have been a little "off" lately. certainly since her trip, possibly even before. it's possible that it's just a bad timing thing and all these things just happen to be happening in the same time period. she's been busier than before - but that could be just things catching up to her, or maybe she's just letting me distract her less.

less phone time. by far. some days she doesn't even sign in to chat. called her for a quick laugh, she answered, hung up, turned off the phone. somedays barely a chat line during the day. earlier departures. and easier for her to go, and faster.

and fuck me to tears (for letting hope prevail) i was -positive-, POSITIVE she was gonna call yesterday, despite knowing that she wouldn't call. i was positive. positive. even though i knew it was impossible.

she used to love getting things from me, even though they've always been meaningless, just for fun, trinkets of affection. the last time, he prevented her from getting them for twelve days. (fine, she was away for 4 of those). anyway, she finally got the package. and has had it for 5 days. it shouldn't be a big deal, and in the sense of what it really is (some stupid Vday crap), it's not a big deal. just different priorities.

for whatever reason, whether choice or just getting more and more used to the environment, her focus seems to be changing. as her friend, i should be glad.

as the loser, i am not.