Thursday, February 02, 2006

fluctuations

as usual, i'm my own worst enemy.

i have to learn that just because she's kidding around and bantering and talkative it doesn't mean she wants me or wants to meet or is any less likely to stay where she's at. it just means she's kidding around and bantering and talkative.

the problem is, as soon as she's open and free(er) and we're talking as friends should talk, i immediately fall into the mindset (and trap) that she wants more. and i start to move to that level but she doesn't follow. and then i'm hurt and fall off the cliff into despair and darkness.

why can't i just be more ?stable?. just not be so wildly fluctuating in my emotions and mind set?

why can't i just always remember that if she wanted more she'd make it plenty well known.

she hasn't done that. but i still seem to think she's wanting it, wanting more.

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