Making Your Decision

B, you're at a time in your life where you're on the verge of making (actively or not) a decision that will affect the rest of your life. You're either gonna stay with him (at least for now) or leave. There are many many things that have to factor into your decision. First is just your life. At this point, whether you stay or go, your life is going to change. How do you see the changes at home? What would the changes be if you split up? Certainly your financial situation would change, for a while at least, although I'm sure you'd still be very comfortable. There's family things - if you stay, not so much, but certainly if you go, there's gonna be stuff from your family. I suppose it's possible there'd be contact from his as well perhaps trying to persuade you back. If you split, you or he might wind up with the house and things, whatever, and might buy the other out, or sell and split proceeds. You might wind up in the house, alone, or in an apartment. Whatever the actual events are, doesn't matter, just so we agree that either way, stay or go, this is an important time, an important decision (or non-decision) in your life, no?

Look just at the next ?six? months. What will they be like if you stay? What will they be like if you don't (and leave out the bf contact related to splitting stuff, etc)? I'm talking about your daily/social/sex life. Again, the details aren't so important right now. What's important is that we agree, that you agree, on the magnitude of what's happening in your life right now, that it will affect and shape your life for a long time.

So. You have a relationship with bf, whom you love. Things are not great, but they're decent. You're not satisfied with many things in your life. You have a pretty good idea of what things can change and what can't, and of what you'll have to give up if you stay, and what you'll get if you stay.

You have a relationship with me. You have feelings for me and you damn well know how I feel about you. You wonder what it would be like with me and even though you say you don't let yourself go there, you have, I'm sure. You can picture a life with me in it (not necessarily life partner, but real world, at least). You have some idea of what your daily, social, emotional, sexual life would be like. You have a good idea of what I'm like.

Now, you're at the point in your life where you are going to make a decision, either actiely or through inaction. You want desperately to be fair to bf, to be good to him. You feel a need, as you should, to do what's right for you. (I think you subjugate your own interests too much, but that's just my opinion.) This decision will affect the rest of your life. Not just a year or two or five, but all the rest of your life. You have a relationship with bf. You feel a pull, a draw to me. You've said that you won't meet me because it might affect your ability to make the right decision.

Well, how can you possibly make an informed decision, a decision that takes into account everything that is in your life now and that affects your life now, WITHOUT MEETING ME? Besides being incredibly unfair to me, isn't it also unfair to you? Aren't you making a decision without having all the facts? True, you wouldn't KNOW unequivocally all about me just from a meeting, but don't you owe it to yourself (and me, and in some ways bf) to meet me and see what i'm like? Maybe we just can't be in the same room together. Wouldn't you hate to come to me only to find out you can't stand being around me? Likewise, maybe we can't keep our hands off each other (sexually, emotionally, intellectually). Wouldn't you hate, wouldn't it be foolish, wouldn't it be shortchanging YOU if you decided to stay without knowing? Hell B, maybe I can't stand being around you! (Ok, stop laughing... I know it's not likely)

We should meet. For both of our sakes. I am not saying we should meet and fuck, although if we met, i don't think fucking would be a bad thing, but certainly not required. How, in all fairness to yourself, can you pretend to make an informed decision without having ever met? Wouldn't say, 4 hours pretty much tell you most of what you need to know? At least enough to -feel- informed?

Do you WANT to make an informed decision?