B and I had good chats yesterday afternoon before she left work. We talked a lot about relationships, hers, mine and ours. She's still trying to stay where she's at, to keep at it in order to make him feel better, to relieve his hurt. Thing is, I'm still not sure she really wants to be there.
I can completely understand her reasoning about not wanting to hurt an SO. And I understand what she means when she says the hurt he feels is her fault (for getting involved with me, ie. kinda cheating on him). I understand, I really do. But I also try to tell her something she told me some time ago - we can't control who we love. My feeling is that, fine, she's in a relationship that she's been in for 6 years. Yet, she placed an ad on an adult dating/sex site, which I responded to. True, she was only looking for email, chat and IM contacts, but nevertheless, clearly there was something missing which she needed to go elsewhere to find.
So she found someone and became sexually interested, intellectually engaged and emotionally involved; is that something to be at fault for? My feeling is that if the relationship wasn't strong enough or healthy enough or she wasn't getting from it what she needed, then finding me wasn't and isn't a terrible thing, certainly not something she should feel at fault for.
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