Another Week

Another weekend, another week.

I can't talk to her on the weekends anymore... at least not for the foreseeable future.
We used to talk for hours on weekends, whenever possible. Sometimes we had 3, 4 even 5 hours to talk and talk we did. We'd cover everything from current events to music to history to relationships to bad drivers - anything and everything was fair game. It was really special because there was no "goal", no "destination", our conversations had absolutely no purpose other than two people talking. It really was a great time.

We had special phones that we could talk to each other on/with. Had those for almost a year. Then bf found her phone. FUCK. Not only did it obviously cause her some difficulties, but she lost the phone. FUCK. Now we were back to calling cards and payphones and all that.

Even more ?painful? was the fact that now, I had absolutely NO way to initiate contact with B. Well, IM sure, but that's not quite the same, ya know? I used to leave her voice mails almost every morning on the way to work. She'd call me during her commute. I always loved those calls, too. Nothing like talking to someone special, having someone special call you, every morning, you know? I'd walk out of the office and go to my car, often drive to a deserted part of the complex, and we'd talk for 15, 20 even 30 minutes on her way to work. Back then, it seemed like such a normal thing, so commonplace; I mean, we're talking EVERY DAY we had these calls. I'm not going to say I took them for granted, because I don' t believe I did, but man do I miss them now.

And now it's almost an hour after she got to work and no word from her yet. That's not too unusual, because she usually gets ambushed with problems and crap from her employees as soon as she walks in the door. I know this. It's always been like this, but when we had the phones, at least I almost always got her for a few minutes before she got to work. Now, I'm here, unable to initiate contact, waiting for her.

This is difficult because I know how she is: she's very focused. Once she's in work mode, she's there. I've seen her go 4 hours without even getting to her desk. So any delay in talking to her at work is pretty normal. I think what really gets me, even hurts in some way, is that she doesn't want to call me just as soon as she possibly can. It's certainly what I would do.

But I will wait. Because it's her.