B and I finished out the week on a nice note. We had some time to talk and IM on Friday and it was very good. "Productive" isn't quite right, but it was good time. She was kinda busy/distracted while we were talking and when we hung up, she said she was sorry she "wasted the afternoon when we could have talked more". I too wished that, but it made me feel good that she wished for more time together.
And now we're in a new week, again.
Monday. It's now 12:20 and I haven't heard from her yet. No email. No phone. She's not online. This is not unprecedented in that there have been times I haven't heard from her till noon or later. It just feels odd/strange/conflicting that after a good day on Friday that she makes no contact this morning.
If she's at work, I'm sure she's busy. Maybe she didn't come in today. She could be sick. Maybe her and bf had plans for a weekend getaway (but Friday said she didn't). He could have surprised her with a quick getaway trip. Maybe he did something extra for her for Valentines' Day.
Dunno. Dunno what to think.
Watching the hands on the clock is like watching a gauge on my anxiety. As more hours pass, my anxiety level goes up. What's up? Where is she? What's she thinking? Is she not contacting me on purpose? Is she okay? What if she was in an accident? Did they go away?
I sometimes even let myself think, just for a second, that maybe they had a fight over the weekend and she left. But wouldn't she have called? I'm not sure. I think so, but it's possible she wouldn't until she was ready.
I sent her a package on Thursday. (Friday?) She should get it today. I sent her a little gift, something small, but heartfelt. Romantic, kinda, but not overly so. Also sent a couple of cards - a cute one and a "real" one, and a letter. We used to always read the letters I sent her together over the phone. That faded out last year after bf found out about me, and now she has many letters that we haven't read together, and that I'm not even sure she's ever read. And may never.
Time goes on.
Still no word from her.
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