A Long Weekend

It's been a long weekend. I've missed B a lot, more than usual. It's been different though, in that I haven't felt so... ?manic?. The longing is there, the absence in my day is still noticeable, the pangs of emptiness I feel when I think of her and realize she's not going to call still hurt. I think what's missing is some of the uncertainty that's been in our relationship.

I know that tomorrow she'll call me. It may not be early in the day, but she'll call. She may not be as close as I'd like her to be when we first talk, but I know that too. But I have a feeling that there'll be an undercurrent of ?comfort? in her voice. I think she'll feel more at ease with -me- and with -us- (although "us" doesn't mean the same thing now that it did, or that I'd like it to mean).

We ended Friday with a long talk. Not a "talk" about things that we (well, usually it's me) needed to talk about, but rather we just talked. As it was we talked about her work and some things going on there, but the important thing is that we just talked. It was relaxed and comfortable. The conversation was in no way heavy or laden with pressure from things 'us'. It was like one of our talks from before - relaxed, easy, enjoyable. It was the talk of two people who know each other well.

I feel like I've given up the woman of my dreams. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I'd had to do that so she could have the man of her dreams, but it's not that way. He had better treat her well, and he's got a long way to go to get there. I hate him for not knowing what he has in her, for not seeing her for who she is, for not letting her be herself.

I can't wait to talk to her again tomorrow. Another week with her in my life - something to look forward to...