what if: This is only a test

maybe everything that's happened was a test of her and i - the test being that since we consider each other soulmates, would we wind up together, even after a trial of unbelieveable difficulty. could the universe work in such a way?

if so then i failed the initial test but have pulled through on the ultimate outcome - that i want to be with B. and if she can say the same thing, that after all that's happened (that i've done to her), then we will pass the test together.

it'd be easy to take a shorter view of time and events and say that just -my- part was the test and that i failed at it. in this version of the test, she had no role, other than as the target of my desire.

but i don't believe that just my part really was the whole test. if so, she'd have never talked to me again, wouldn't have seen me when i was in her area. no, i believe the test continues to this day and encompasses the whole of the outcome, of our future. 

the test for me was do I really want to be with B and how much? the answer is YES and completely. without reservation.

the test for her was would her love of -us- be enough to make her still want to be with her soulmate, even after he hurt her so terribly? i can't answer for her. i can only know what i -hope- her answer to be.