we'd talked about, and wanted, a commitment ceremony of our own. nothin formal, at all, just her and i and our love for each other, declared aloud, her to me and me to her.
could there be anything more pure?
in my mind (clearly oblivious to the way i was really conducting my life), there was nothing, -could be nothing- more obvious, more pure, more -certain-, more true. even today, after all that's happened, (let's be truthful: after all I've done, i still dream of standing with her, on the beach, no one else around, gazing into each others' eyes, and saying, "To You, B, I devote my life, my heart, my love, til death do us part") i want to hold her, love her, -show- her, every day (every fucking day!) that she is the reason i live, the reason i want to live, my every reason for living.
i want to stand before her and tell her: "[B], I love you."
if only she cared.
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