ticket to paradise. void.

this world is truly a cruel place.

for years i've wanted to find work close to B. there's just a need to be close to her in any way, in every way.

if we were lovers, being close would obviously provide opportunity for time to spend together, even if only a few minutes. if we were just friends, it'd be so easy to get together for lunch, coffee, a drink, even just to spend 10 minutes together talking face to face.

and if we weren't yet seeing each other, then being close would make it easy for us to get together, should she decide on the spur of the moment that she'd like to see me because i'd be a 20 minute drive away and not a week's notice and a plane flight.

and i'd have the opportunity to be close to her in case she wanted to see me on our third anniversary in late july.

but, the fact of the matter is, she's with a partner. she won't see me, period, can't cross that line, period. she's not mine, she's not free and she's not leaving. period.

so much for free will and freedom of choice.

too old. too fat. too late.

too bad.