mixed emotions

day 2 (of 4.67) of B being out of touch.

i'm full of very, very mixed emotions.

i miss her, of course. i miss her anytime we're out of touch, even every weeknight after she goes home to him. so in that regard, i'm empty, alone, sad, missing her very much.

on the other hand, i feel good because i know she's spending time with her dad today. just knowing that that'll make her happy, -is- making her happy, helps. it makes me smile, makes me feel good for her.

and while i look at the empty spot in my day and know that she's missing, she's still with me. maybe i'm accepting, bit by tiny bit, that she's not mine, that i won't have her.

i still miss her though, every moment. and want her.

i can't wait for monday.