can't make her

you can't make anyone do anything. you can cajole, pressure, push, insist, demand, persuade or convince. but you can't make anyone to anything.

i can't make her want to let herself be happy. can't make her look at her life and choose.

can't make her want or love me.

and she can't make me understand why she stays somewhere where (it seems to me) she's unhappy, stifled, dissatisfied, unfulfilled.

truth of the matter is, it's probably much more likely that she's quite happy where she is, that the life she has, the life she's carefully built over the last eight years, the life she's chosen to stay in finally and everyday for the last 1000 days, is in fact the very life she wants. it's much more likely that i just -think- she's not happy there because that's what i want to think, because i want her to be unhappy so she'll leave to be with me.

it took just minutes to want her and just days to fall in love with her. i've tried to win her heart for almost three years and i'm no closer now than i was then. what i did manage to do was to see everything that i want in a partner in her. i made her an integral part of my day and my life. she will be in my soul long after i'm gone.

how many years will it take for the hurt to stop? when will the loss not be so crushing?