gotta stop

i have to stop this.

she's not my wife or girlfriend or lover or significant other or ANYTHING like that. she's my friend.

i can't make (or have) any expectations on her whereabouts or what she does or her hours or any of that shit. because it's just not my business. -he- can have those expectations because he is her life partner. i'm not. not now, not soon, not ever. i have no RIGHT, none whatsoever, to any of her, her time, her day, her schedule, her -anything- other than whatever she chooses to give to me.

i can't be upset because she's with him or because she's staying with him. i can't be upset because she doesn't call me when she's away or on the weekends or, frankly, at any time. if she doesn't call me for seventeen days straight, i have NO RIGHT to get upset. i have no claim to her, none at all.

none.

i have no claim on her at all. none. i'm "entitled" to nothing other than what she chooses to give me, whether that's all the attention i want from her or none at all. he's allowed to make claims or demands or have expectations, not i.

like the fedex guy, the pizza guy, the convenience store clerk or the guy at the drive-through, i'm someone in her day. well, except they get to be around her, see her, maybe know her name and where she works, talk to her face to face, see her smile and the twinkle in her eyes, if only for a moment.

-he- is the rest of her world, her life, her everything.

-he- is her past. her present. and her future.

her everything.

i'm a friend.