we've been talking again ... talking like we should have been talking all along.
it's good. overall.
one thing does amuse me though. she offers up suggestions (valid suggestions, if only i'd take them) on how to make my life better, to not hate this crappy existence that i have to settle for. no, she doesn't call it that, she thinks my life is great and that her not being in it is no big deal. after all, it's no big deal to her that i'm not in her life.
what's funny is that every suggestion she gives turns so easily back to her and her life. and the thing is, she's following them! taking her own advice. and the killer, for me, is that it's so obvious that they are and will continue to work for her. that's not bad in and of itself, because i want her to start finding more happiness, start enjoying things again, start not feeling so lost in her life. what's funny is that the very things she suggests to me so that i can start enjoying (not hating?) my life a little more (because she won't be with me "for now") are exactly the things that she is doing that will make her so much better that she'll continue to grow and get back into her life there, with him. and it's yet another brick in the wall, yet another reason for her to stay right where she is.
and after all, why should that bother me?
oh, other than losing.
can ya lose if you never got a chance to play?
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