How much lower can it go?

I'm really losing it today. Everything is just piling up, crashing down on me.

I feel so lost, rejected, second place, alone.

So undesireable. We've talked about sex, about having sex again, since last week. This week we should have had time, almost did. Not once did she initiate it, want it, never once expressed a desire for it, for me, for us.

Not that she doesn't feel it, because i think she does. But nothing stresses her like work and when she's work stressed like that, only bf can get through to her. I can't. Hours and hours where he can call. I'm sure she treats it as a (minor) interruption, but he can reach out and touch her. I can't. Can't call, can't IM, can't email.

I can't convince her to be with me or to be lovers. I can't tell her how I envision it or how it would change us because she sees it as "convincing". But if we never talk about what could be, she'll never "see" it in her head, never think about it and therefore never think about changing her life.

I told her, once when I was really feeling hopeless, that the situation was so unfair because there was NOTHING I could do to win her, but all he had to do was not lose her.