Yardwork and domestic bliss

I've always hated yardwork. Always. I'm sure it all stemmed from being enslaved to the lawnmower as a 10 year old by the wicked bitch of the west.

B loves it. As long as i've known her, she's enjoyed working in the yard. I always thought she ws crazy in that regard.

But then something happened on Friday. Something that makes me wonder if i'm maturing (hehe, not fucking likely) or just seeing things in a new light.

I have an investment property here that I was getting ready for a weekend open house. It was late afternoon and hot. I'd finished cutting the side yard and was most of the way through the back. I was soaked, sweating like crazy. Hot. Grass sticking to my legs. My t-shirt plastered to me, the top of my shorts dark with sweat. The noise of the electric mower was all i could hear really. It wasn't so loud, but I guess i was pretty focused on what i was doing.

I was lost in my own thoughts. Actually, I remember thinking about B and how she loved doing this stuff, and how i'd told her she was crazy. And then it hit me. I was enjoying it too. Not that it was ?fun? but it did seem somehow... therapeutic? The heat, the sweat, the work, being able to see an immediate improvement, being able to see the results of the work right away - I liked it.

I began to think about working on -our- yard... with B. What that would be like. What it would feel like to look up and see her working thirty feet away, planting flowers or bushes or doing whatever. Her also sweaty and hot, hands dirty. Yet beautiful. Working on making her home (our home - wow..those are powerful words) more beautfiul.

I'm not one for domesticity - at least i wouldn't describe myself as domestic. but those scenes in my head, the feelings i had while visualizing them... i was filled with the ?completeness? of the vision. Me and B, at our house. In our life.

It felt SO right, SO natural. Even though at the edge of consciousness i knew it was a daydream, it was real. it felt... fulfilling somehow. it felt like i was home, where i should be. i fastforwarded through the rest of what our day together would have been like. Finish the work. Stand on the deck together enjoying a cold drink of water, looking at what we'd accomplished. My arm around her. I could feel the heat of her exertion, the coolness of her drying sweat, feel dirt on her arm and back. I could smell her distinctive smell, overtaken by the earthy smells of dirt and sweat, but still there, still her, still sweet. I could feel, as i stood there next to her, as we surveyed what we'd accomplished, i could feel my heart swell with love and happiness for her, for us, at our life together. I saw us showering together, touching playfully. I pictured us relaxing after the shower, making love and then going out to dinner.

It was so real. So right. So possible.

So out of reach.

I want that. I want her.