and what will today bring? i start on edge already, knowing how her yesterday was, wondering where her head will be today. will i be a good thing in her day today or a drain on her energy?
the nights get longer and longer knowing she's there, a million miles away. consuming prodigious amounts of alcohol used to help, now it just makes the nights darker. and longer. and darker. and longer.
and then there's thursday and friday looming on the horizon. well, -my- horizon, as they don't seem to be on hers. two days when we could spend several hours together. if she wasn't seeing her lover. if she had any interest in seeing me. if she could stand to be in the same room with me.
if i hadn't destroyed her trust, her faith, her love, her soul.
yeah... -I- did that. the crowning fucking accomplishment of a stellar fucking life. the ultimate betrayal of the woman who -owned- my heart. and she was betrayed by the one person in the world who she should never have been worried about... the person who swore he'd never hurt her.
yeah, that was me.
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