self-restraint only goes so far... only works so long for me... unlike for her.
she seems able to keep herself restrained.
so far i've managed to not push her to see me on thursday and friday, days which are convenient, i think for both of us. good for me because i'm not working and could easily drive to her area for the two days... we could have lunch, after work, maybe even some of the evening depending on bf, then lunch and after work again on friday... so, yeah, convenient for me and easily doable for her.
but she doesn't seem interested in (or able to) getting together those days. still too hard for her to take.
too hard. fuck. too hard to meet and talk?
and the internal pressure to ask her, beg her, plead with her to please reconsider, to please give us this time to be together, to spend some time together.
fuck.
we should have been LIVING together right now. instead, she can't even stand to be in the same room with me. can't handle seeing me two weeks in a row.
fuck.
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