Please HELP!!! Can someone please help me???

I'm dead serious. I'm at wits' end. I NEED HELP.

I'm asking, pleading, begging, groveling for help. Please, can someone give me an idea of what to do?

I won't recount the whole thing; it's more or less documented here. The short version is that on the very eve of B and I finally getting together, finally meeting and starting our in person relationship, I betrayed her. Horribly. I basically turned away from her, took up with someone else that I'd been lying to B about. It crushed B, hardened her heart, made me dead to her.

The problem is? I love B. With all my heart. We spent four years getting to know each other, fell in love, started planning a future when we would be together. She is (she'd say "was") my best friend, ever. And I hers. She is my soulmate; I know this beyond question.

I'm turning my life back around. I'm leaving the other person. Removing everything from my life that has and might distract me in the future. I want to dedicate my life to her, want to spend however long it takes to try to make it up to her in some way. I want back our life, the life we should have been starting -right now-.

She's having none of it. She chats to me, some. She even talks to me, some. But she's having none of -me-. Tells me time and again that I've changed her irreversibly. That she now sees me as I really am, not as who she thought I was. That she could never even imagine touching me or allowing me to touch her. Tells me that there is no chance of us being together again.

No. I cannot accept that. Won't accept that. She is everything I've ever wanted. I fucked up, horribly and want to change this life, make it up to her, give her the future that she and I both wanted.

WHAT DO I DO???? Please, if anyone reads this, please help me. I don't know what else to do.

Please help.

She is my love and she's slipping further and further away. And I'm not sure I can live with that.

If you have ideas, please leave comments here. If you have something to say to B, leave it here and I'll forward it to her (but to be honest, I probably wouldn't forward any "fuck him" messages).