A call for help

HELP!!!

This is a public call for help. I haven't disclosed all the details of my trespasses, but suffice it to say that there were many and -huge-; the worst that ANYONE could do to ANYONE.

Here's what I'm asking:
How can I make it up to her? What can I do to -somehow- redeem myself for my behaviour and for what I did to her? WHAT CAN I DO? Please, I'm serious, I need suggestions, comments, ideas, anything that might help me show her that I'm serious, that I'm sorry, that I'm changed, that I'll never hurt her again. All I want her to do is to just leave the -possibility- that we could happen again, if she sees changes and repentance in me.

WHAT CAN I DO???

Men: you probably haven't done anything as bad as what I have. That's in your "favor". On the other hand, you are a guy and that goes against you. If you have anything to add, please do. But if "buy her flowers" or "give her a massage" are at the top of your list, don't bother. This is waaaaay beyond that.

Women: You are really my target audience. And if you knew the details, you'd probably tell her to bag it and never talk to me or think about me again. But, let's go on the assumption that she, for whatever reasons, -might- be inclined to give us another try, given the right conditions (which I can't even guess at). What could a guy do to help you forgive him? (Not exactly forgive, because I haven't got the balls to ask for that yet... Maybe some day.) If the guy you loved did to you THE WORST THING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE and then wanted to apologize, to make it up to you in some way, what would make you think about it?

My job will be ending in a couple months. What I've asked her is to please let me come to her area, visit for a few days. She doesn't even have to agree to meet, just give me that it's POSSIBLE she will. I fully expect her to fuck her lover while making me wait for a few precious minutes with her. I'll take it. I'll take whatever pain and punishment she can dish out (except for completely and absolutely saying "no way, ever"), because I deserve it.

I know her and I can (sadly) see how what I've done to her has changed her. But I can't help but feel that somewhere, deep inside her heart, is the B that I knew and loved. And even though I've done this terrible hurt to her, I have to hope that somehow, someday, she might be able to peek out from behind her walls and see -us- again.

You might ask: "How bad could the thing you did -really- have been?"
Let me put it into perspective for you. Imagine going along all your life, perfectly content with not letting anyone in close, not experienceing real intimacy (not sex, -intimacy-) with anyone, thinking that you don't need or want any of that stuff. And then you meet someone and learn that that whole "intimacy thing" is pretty amazing and that you now want it, need it, crave it. And then the guy shatters it all. Breaks your heart in the worst possible way. So badly have you been hurt that you NEVER want any intimacy again, preferring cold and disconnected rather than ever taking a chance on getting hurt like that again.

NOW what help can you give me?

Please!!! What can I do?