All that I have wrought

These are the things I've accomplished....

- not too long ago, I traveled to my home state; B's state too. I drove over to her area for some undetermined, rather fuzzy purpose. I needed to see her, possibly for the last time. She saw me and during the course of chat that day, agreed to meet me. She wouldn't let me in to her work, or come outside. She agreed to meet; in a parking lot. She didn't get out of the car. I could see her debating with herself over even opening the window to talk to me.

- my job is ending now and I have no immediate plans for the future. Actually I have -no- plans whatsoever. I hinted to her that I'd like to come there again, even if the only thing she could do was another parking lot meeting. She has no interest. None.

- She and I would've been seeing each other RIGHT NOW. We'd have been full on, planning trips and get togethers every couple of weeks. With my job ending now, it would have been PERFECT, as we'd have agreed it would have been a perfect time for me to move to her area. So we could see each other (almost) every day. Spend time together many times a week. Working together toward that time when we could actually -be together-. Now she's seeing her Master/lover several times a week instead.

- I've hurt the woman that I love. The woman who, since I first met her, I -KNEW- was my soulmate. The woman who knows me better than anyone ever has. No one else has EVER gotten as deep inside me. Ever. And I did the most unimagineable hurt to her.

Actually, after the last one, nothing else really matters. She can't hardly talk to me. Won't see me. Can't ever picture her and I having anything more than we have now. And I still dream of having her as my partner.

Some sayings seem to come to light.....

We are our own worst enemies

We only hurt the ones we love